I am a Jelly Bean

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For anyone who has watched the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (my guilty pleasure) knows that a "Jelly Bean" is someone who is jealous. I think jealousy comes with the territory of deployments. You don't mean to be jealous, and you certainly don't want to be jealous but you are. I have been jealous of friend's husbands for not having to leave the FOB (forward operating base/base they stationed at while deployed) throughout their entire deployment. I have been jealous that people get to Skype with their husbands everyday when all we can do is instant message a couple times a week. I went five months without hearing my husband's voice while some people got to hear theirs everyday.

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Now don't get me wrong, I am thankful for ANY and ALL communication we get because that is comfort in knowing my husband is okay. I was angry for awhile due to the jealousy I was feeling, but eventually I began to let it go. I kept reminding myself that there are spouses out there that don't hear from their husbands longer than me and there are spouses that will never be able to talk to their husbands again. I also reminding myself that this is only a temporary situation and that we only have a third of this deployment left.

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There are so many emotions and phases of deployments that you don't even know which ones are coming when. I can only speak for myself but I've had feelings of "this will be okay" to "I can't take this anymore!" I have felt sad, angry, jealous, frustrated, empty, exhausted, lonely, happy, determined, and numb. I have seen two soldiers driving down the street in their Class As and had my heart stop. I've been in a crowded room of couples and felt completely alone. These are things you cannot prepare for. You prepare for your soldier to go out on missions and you prepare for not hearing from them for a while but you cannot prepare for these other scenarios.

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 I always find the last part of the deployment to be the worst because it feels like it is going by so slow. So, for the next few months my goal is to survive. To take one day at a time and make the best of it. Some days will be rough and others will be easy but I will allow myself to feel these emotions and to carry on.

Editors Note: Most jelly beans are gluten free!

Studious Maximus

Have I told you I'm a student? Well, I am. I'm currently finishing my last semester of my associate degree. I've chosen not to walking at the commencement ceremony; Mr. I will still be in Afghanistan and quite honestly, this isn't what I've been working so hard towards. I'm really working towards my bachelors degree and by getting an associates makes it easier to transfer. My major is social work and I cannot wait to start the social work program at my next school!

Mr. I and I are moving at the end of the summer. We're moving to.......drum roll please......Colorado! We have both been wanting to live there for a long time, and that wish is finally coming true! We are both ecstatic. I have images of us hiking the beautiful mountains and rafting down the Arkansas River. We will actually be able to spend holidays with family! I cannot wait!

 Anyway, I must get back to my homework!

It's wheat, it's barley, it's rye...oh my!!!

 So, the post before last was from June of 2010. I talked about how I was having health problems and was worried what it might be. Well, after numerous tests and vials of blood taken I found out I was gluten intolerant. What is that you say?  Basically, its an allergy to wheat, rye and barley. My body cannot process it and it has caused me digestive issues for years.

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For the past seven months I have been reading articles, medical journals, food labels and experimenting with flours I didn't even know existed. Finding substitutes and trying my hardest to resist temptation in the mist of special occasions and holidays. 

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Have you ever tried gluten free bread? Its sad. Its very dense, has a different flavor and you usually find it in the frozen section of the grocery store. I hate freezing anything and double hate defrosting anything. I miss fresh, warm, crusty, artisan bread.

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Now, being gluten free isn't all bad. I feel amazing now that I don't suffer from digestive problems. I lost 20 lbs over the course of four months. There are a lot of delicious foods I can have. And again, I feel wonderful!

I'm now facing a challenge...I need to find meals that my husband will like. For me, becoming gluten free was a challenge but going gluten free for him would be almost impossible. He loves everything fried, greasy and breaded. Those are obvious no-nos in the gluten free world. I have about four and a half months left until he comes home and I need to hurry and find dinners he'll like! Wish me luck on this new quest...I'll need it!

Rest and Relaxation

It has been almost three weeks since my husband went back to Afghanistan. R&R was absolutely amazing and I feel so lucky to have had him home for Christmas and to kiss when the new year rang in. We also celebrated our anniversary while he was here, since he flew out a few days prior. We wined and dined and had a wonderful time...but now he is back to work.

 

This is the view my husband sees constantly. He is a gunner...you know, the guy on top of the trucks with a big gun. He also sent me this picture of a sunset.
 

 
We're a little over 60% done with this deployment. A part of me is excited because we have the majority of the deployment behind us but I am also a bit discouraged because we still have so much in front of us.
 
I think once the weather gets warmer and I can start going outside more; time will fly! Too bad there are still two and a half months of winter! Ok ok, back to being optomistic...positive, Jessica. Think positive.