I hate this part of the deployment. The part where we've come nearly 3/4 of the way on this year long deployment to still have a few months left. You feel like you've been run over by a semi truck and still have to crawl your way to the finish line. I feel defeated and weak. I just want to have a tantrum and yell, "I don't wanna do this anymore! I want to get off this crazy ride! I want off!"
I was talking to Mr. I this morning and I was telling him about this awesome music festival that is coming to our area this summer. I heard about it on the radio and it sounded like so much fun. You camp at this campground for 4 nights and during the day you enjoy five to six different performers. When I looked up the dates, I realized it would be a Wednesday through Saturday night type of thing and Mr. I's command thinks it would be better to "hold off their leave until school gets out" so he'll still be in-processing and "working" during that time. I literally started crying (yeah, I'm telling you people, I'm losing it).
I wasn't crying because we couldn't go to this festival...it was deeper than that. I was crying because so many times me and my husband have wanted to do things and couldn't because of the Army. We have never had a honeymoon, and we've never been on vacation...we really haven't done much. Between my school schedule, the cost of my school, and the Army, I feel like we never get to do anything. We both work our butts off to make a better life for ourselves and our future children, but we need a break for ourselves.
A couple months after Mr. I gets back, we're going to PCS. I feel like its a vicious cycle. Like we're never going to win (whatever that means). I feel like this is how our life goes:
He works. I go to school. I work. He trains. We move. He works. I go to school. Iwork. He trains. He deploys. I work. I go to school. He comes home. We move.
I just want to go somewhere warm, and sunny, that has a beach where we can enjoy just being with each other; no Army interuptions, no assignments due, no distractions. I really, really want that and I think that was the reason I started crying today.
I'm just trying to crawl my way to this deployment finish line the best I can but some days are harder than others...today was one of those days.